Making Animal Noises on Ellen DeGeneres

I know that some people have a deep seeded desire to be on TV. I get that. Everyone somehow thinks that if they can get on TV, they can finally endorse their favorite product, or that people will care what they think, or that they will have "made it." It's really quite a cultural phenomenon.

I used to really want to be on TV. I had whole ideas for sitcoms and movies (starring me of course), that I was desperate to share with the world. I would play these out by myself or with friends, write screenplays, and even come up with promotional ideas. For my sitcom, I thought I could wear different college sweatshirts each episode to promote different universities. In turn for the publicity, they would provide sponsorships for the show, and maybe one would provide me a scholarship (even though I was ass-spanking rich in my fantasy world, I still wanted / "thought I was entitled to" a scholarship). I figured it was win win really.

In college, I came to the realization that I didn't need to be famous to be happy. I could live without the glamour and glitter of a Hollywood life. It would be fine; I didn't need to be on TV.

I wish other people, however, would come to this same realization. I turned on the TV this morning - while I was in my kitchen making desert for a dinner party this evening - when Ellen DeGeneres came on. I love Ellen; she is one of my favorite celebrities - funny, genuine, and generous, so naturally I didn't change the channel. She then had people from the audience showcase their "talents." The first woman who came up, I kid you not, her talent was making animal noises.

Animal noises! I was flabbergasted. Who wakes up and decides, "today will be the day I make animal noises on a nationally syndicated daytime talk show?" I thought one of the main ideas of life was to limit your moments of public embarrassment - not dive head-first into them. Apparently not, apparently some people think it's a good idea to make chihuahua and hawk noises in front of live studio audiences. The sad part is, she wasn't even that good. I mean if your talent is borderline embarrassing anyway, be good at it before you share it. If it's going to make the viewing public wonder who on Earth let you out of the home, it's a bad idea.

I'm not trying to be cruel; I'm sure that lady is a very nice person, but being nice doesn't guarantee the ability to make smart choices. There are many nice stupid people in the world. That being said, if I ever end up on Ellen DeGeneres making animal noises voluntarily as a talent (and not part of one of Ellen's weird games), put me out of my misery, because something has gone horribly horribly wrong.