Dinner with Nikki Haley

I'm not sure if you follow SC politics at all, but you should, as my home state produces quite the cast of characters. These characters cause, well, depression and anger for the citizens of SC, and hilarity for those not blessed to live in the Palmetto State.

You may remember our current Governor, Mark Sanford, from last summer when he "disappeared." No one really knew where he was, and then he phoned to let everyone know he was "hiking the Appalachian trail." As you probably well know: "hiking the Appalachian trail" is code for "banging my Argentine mistress." Yes, our Governor came forward to apologize for abandoning his state, fleeing to South America, and hooking up with an Argentine reporter. He also called her his "soul mate," which left his wife Jenny Sanford - none too happy. (FYI, he phoned Jenny after the public "apology" to ask how he did. Dumb ass.)

By the way, Jenny Sanford is a very classy woman. She handled herself with grace and dignity, retiring for a while to the coast, avoiding the media, and did her best to keep her kids out of the spotlight. We could all learn a lesson from people like Jenny Sanford. Coincidentally, she dumped Mark; smart woman.

Our latest claim to fame has been the Nikki Haley(a current SC Republican gubernatorial candidate) scandals. Two men came forward claiming they had inappropriate sexual relationships with Nikki Haley while she was married to her current husband Michael. Nikki Haley has denied the accusations. These accusations - coupled with a man being found guilty of having sex with his horse - have elevated SC to "The Friskiest State." A moniker I hope they start putting on license plates rather soon.

The claims about Nikki Haley came about just before the primaries, making it look like a last ditch effort on the part of candidates - like current Lt. Governor Andre Bauer - to boost their poll rankings. (Google Andre Bauer - you'll find excessive speeding, drunk driving on Assembly Street in downtown Columbia at 3:00 in the afternoon, and not wanting to feed poor children; he's a gem - that one.) Nikki Haley has long since been a Tea Party favorite and Republican front-runner - having been endorsed by (you bethca) Sarah Palin. It's natural then, that her fellow Republican candidates - some of whom wanted the Tea Party endorsement - would so some serious mud-slinging.

Do I think she had the affairs? Honestly, I could care less; she's the best candidate on the Republican ticket (notice I said on the Republican ticket), and the lesser of many many many evils. (Would I honestly want Andre Bauer as Governor? Oh Hell no.) Her affiliation with the Tea Party and her endorsement by Sarah "let's ban books" Palin are frankly by far the greater concerns than who she's bumped uglies with, but I digress.

Then enter Jake Knotts, a Republican SC Senator. Jakie boy went on an internet talk show and referred to Ms. Haley as a " f*!king raghead," claiming "we got a raghead in Washington; we don't need one in South Carolina." He later apologized for using the F word, and claimed he used the term "raghead" in jest. Because we all know, racial slurs are okay if used in jest - especially on political talkshows.

Ms. Haley is an Indian America, a Methodist descendant of Sikhs. Mr. Knotts believes that since her father wears a turban around Lexington (a city on the west end of Columbia's metro area) that Nikki Haley is probably ashamed of her religion - and hiding behind the cloak of Christianity to gain power, the same way he feels Barack Obama must be hiding his Muslim heritage. Again, we all know the fastest way to gain political power in America - and the world for that matter - is through the SC Governor's mansion. I know when I think of how many international statesmen and Presidents that have gone through the SC Governor's mansion - I just fall into a tizzy. Honestly, if Nikki Haley came up with that plan to disguise who she really is to become Governor of SC - we should f*!cking elect her, because if she could pull off that one, think of what she could do...

Mr. Knotts justified his calling use of racial slurs by exclaiming: "We're at war over there!" He later clarified that he knew the US was not at war with India, but "foreign countries."

Did I mention that he wasn't even the scheduled guest on the talkshow? He just showed up and started blabbing. The show Pub Politics is filmed at the Flying Saucer in Columbia - a local bar - and is supposed to be a "light show" in a fun atmosphere. Jake Knotts defended his comments to reporters after the broadcast - which again, he wasn't scheduled to attend - by saying this talk show is the SNL of SC political talk-shows. He does have a point here, racial slurs and whatnot are generally okay on SNL, but that's because the people there don't actually mean them.

Anyway, I had dinner with Nikki Haley the other night. Well, not exactly with - we sat next to each other in a local restaurant. I had taken a good friend of mine out to eat Tuesday for her belated birthday dinner, and unbeknownst to us - we were seated next to Nikki Haley and her husband. We had no idea at first, nor did anyone else in the restaurant, since Ms. Haley is rather nondescript in appearance, and is generally quiet. I, however, kept getting annoyed that this woman next to me kept answering her Blackberry. (I have the same Blackberry, and I kept mistaking it for mine.)

I really wanted her to put her Blackberry on silent, and even contemplated saying something when I turned and realized I was sitting next to the woman who took 49% of the vote in the Republican primary (2% short of being declared a winner without having a run-off, but light years ahead of her competitors, esp. Andre Bauer).

I turned to my friend, eyed to the table next to us, and mouthed "is that Nikki Haley?" She, at first, didn't understand that what looked like the onset of a seizure was a question, but eventually she caught on. "No, is it?" she said as she talked me into taking a covert picture of her, so we could verify for sure. I couldn't use my Blackberry (they have a build in flash), so I had to use my friend's LG. We pretended she was having phone trouble, and while I was attempting to "fix" it, I took a picture. It was a perfect profile, and it was clearly Nikki Haley.

Outside, we searched for a campaign car - further evidence, and sure enough we found a state representative's car with a Nikki Haley for Governor bumper sticker. We had had dinner with Nikki Haley.

Now having dinner with Nikki Haley is fun and all, but frankly I would have preferred to have dinner with Mr. Jakie Knotts. "How dare you," is probably how it would have begun. I would have gone into his stupid racist views, his inability to tell the difference between Muslims and Sikhs, and his lack of knowledge about any and everything in general. Then would have come the kicker:

How dare he force me to have to stand up for a politician whose politics I find questionable! I dislike Sarah Palin and the Tea Party, but now I find myself having to agree with them. Nikki Haley has been mistreated and abused, and this election is going to be about gender discrimination and not the issues. (I highly doubt iif she were male any of this - the "raghead" comments or the "affair allegations" would have happened.)

She is a strong woman in a position of power, and Jakie boy can't stand it. Him and the other good old boys don't like that she's outplaying them at their game, and are doing anything to undermine her. If anything, they should be on the same team! They agree with each other on most of the issues! Jakie Knotts - and people like him - always have to demonize the other. When they can't find an "other" in a political opponent, they make one up. The woman isn't a Sikh, she isn't a Democrat, and she probably never had an affair. What the f*!k is he so afraid of? That's not to say if she were a male, he wouldn't have done something else, or shown his racist ass in another ignorant way - but I doubt it would have been this extreme.

The bad news here is that Nikki Haley is likely to ride a wave of sympathy right into the Governor's mansion. She outranks her Democratic opponent by what is probably an insurmountable margin. At least she's the best of the Republican Candidates. I actually have respect for her - not her politics, but for her as a person, and that's more than I can say for Jake Knotts, Andre Bauer, or Henry McMaster.

But, I won't have to deal with her. I'll be in Alabama; I got the job!