In an older post I mentioned that I had an upcoming date, but then I neglected to follow up on that. As many of you have probably already guessed, the date never happened. In my recent adventures in on-line dating, I have discovered two predominant types of men: Jeepers and Creepers.
We'll start with the guy I was supposed to have a date with; we'll call him Brian (not his real name). Brian seemed really promising. He's handsome, has a stable job (he's a nurse), owns a house, etc. Then I found out he is a father. Now, I'm not against dating dads - it's just not something I think I'm ready for, or something I had even considered. I'd always seen myself meeting someone, falling in love, and then deciding to become a parent - with my partner. I'm not sure how I would do with an insta-kid. I wasn't ready to rule Brian out, however; he still had the potential to be a great guy. If the father thing were the only problem, the date would have still happened.
My second worry about the date was that Brian wanted to have dinner at Subway. Of all the places we could have gone - he chose Subway. If I wanted to date Jared the Subway guy - or Michael Phelps (I'll have that five dollar footlong please), I would go after Jared or Michael Phelps. I had never considered Subway as an acceptable date location, especially since I live in a city with amazing restaurants. With delicious and affordable Italian, Indian, Asian, Seafood, and Southern options to choose from - Brian decides that we should meet at Subway. And not even a nice one in a trendy part of town, but one in a dumpy suburban neighborhood near the Interstate. I would have suggested other options, but I asked him, and he was insistent. We were going to Subway.
Strikes 3 through 6 came after we began texting each other 2 days before the scheduled date. We started texting around 5 o'clock in the afternoon. I told him early on in the conversation that my friend and I were going out to dinner. This information popped up again at least 3 or 4 more times during the course of our conversation. Some people, however, don't seem to understand hints - or declarative statements - very well. Around 7 I told him I needed to go so I could go out with my friend, yet he wouldn't stop texting me. He kept texting me up until the point I was getting in the car to drive.
As I opened the car door, I skimmed over the text. He had been talking about STDs, and talking about people he had dated before. I didn't read it in depth, because - as he knew - I was busy. I finally sent him a text which read: "We'll finish this conversation later. Getting in the car, and can't text while driving."
I wasn't shocked when I received another text as I was backing out of the garage, but I was assuming it would be an "okay," or "cool," not a "Oh Lord, I guess that means you got something..." That's right, apparently since I wanted to get off the phone for a car ride and dinner, I must have an STD. Not cool.
My friend and I had a lovely dinner. That was the night we had dinner with Nikki Haley - or at least at the table next to Nikki Haley. The food was delicious, and I put annoying Brian out of my mind for an hour and a half.
Once dinner was over, my friend and I went to Food Lion (a grocery store) to pick up a few things. As we entered the store, I texted Brian back: "If I say I can't text because I'm driving, it means I'm driving - not that I have an STD." He messaged back: "LOL" and tried to play it off as a joke. But in what UNIVERSE is that an acceptable joke? Strike 3.
We continued texting after I arrived back home with my friend. Brian was quick to move from the subject of STDs (I'm clean, btw) to the subject of sex. After a few minutes of talking about sex, I asked if we could change the subject. Now, I'm not a prude, but when you first meet a person - shouldn't you be getting to know other things first? There were a billion other topics we could have discussed: our hobbies, favorite movies, favorite bands, nuclear proliferation... I just think that sex should not be the first priority. But instead of understanding where I was coming from, Brian tried to make me feel bad for not wanting to discuss sex. He made it seem like I had a problem for not wanting to discuss sex over text with a person I barely knew. Strike 4.
At about 10:30 he texted asking when he was going to get to talk to me over the phone. I asked when he would like to talk to me, and he said: "in half and hour." So I replied, "okay, I'll call you at 11." It was then that I seriously began to contemplate breaking off the date. He already had 4 strikes, but as it's already been stated in a previous post - I haven't been on a date in two years. I felt that I owed myself to go - besides maybe he would be different over the phone. We had only texted up until this point, I would talk to him, and then decide.
Over the phone, he came across as a huge Queen. I don't date Queens. They drive me a bit up the wall. I'm a guy who likes guys; if I wanted to date a girl - a bitchy one at that - I would find a bitchy girl. You can generally tell a guy is a Queen when he opens his mouth. It's in the voice; you can hear the swish of the hips in the phrasing, and this guy opened his mouth and a purse fell out. It was actually a painful half hour. Strike 5.
After we finished our conversation and said goodnight, I went back downstairs to chat with my friend before going to bed. We hadn't gotten a sentence into our conversation when Brian texted me. "How did you like my voice?" This is when I should have said: "I found it so annoying it was actually difficult to talk with you," but I was nice, "It was hard to hear, our connection was bad." Forgive me God for lying. I had a hard time understanding him - yes - but it was because of his affectations, not the connection.
Who the Hell texts someone to ask about their voice? Who texts someone back after they've said goodbye for the night with something so asinine? Strike 6.
That is when I decided to cancel the date. Luckily, it was easy because I got the job in Alabama. It was wonderful to have an excuse fall into my lap. I didn't want to have to be mean, and I was sure that is where it was heading. The whole: "I don't think this is going to workout," speech would have become an argument. I was ready for the argument, but it's nice to have an easy way out.
Well, I began to look on-line for guys in Birmingham. I figured new city, new love right? I used the same dating service that introduced me to Brian. (Here-in lies part of my problem - you get what you pay for - and it's a free service.) This time I met Aaron (not his real name). Aaron seemed really great at first as well. We talked over e-mail, and that is where I first noticed he liked to joke around. It wasn't until we started texting, however, that I learned he liked to joke around all the time - about everything. We texted the bulk of the day yesterday, and all he did was joke. He turned EVERY conversation point into a joke; he even referenced OJ Simpson. Last time I checked, this is not 1994 - it's 2010. OJ Simpson has not been relevant for over a decade. When I replied: "He killed them. Everybody knows he killed them." Aaron replied: "Yeah, but way to get out of it! ROFLMAO!" Murder, apparently, is hilarious.
Finally hours into texting - with him still joking - I grew some balls. "So you like to joke around." I said. He asked if that was a problem, and I said "not necessarily, but I don't think our personalities would mesh. I'm more serious." I know that makes me sound like a stick in the mud; I like to joke around, but I also need someone who can stimulate me intellectually. Aaron's jokes were neither relevant nor intellectually stimulating; even worse, they were rarely and/or barely funny.
After a brief talk about how he could be serious on occasion, we ended the conversation and he left the ball in my court. I'm to call him or text him if I want to talk again. I don't. I refuse to subject myself to that again.
What does a gay guy have to do to meet a decent guy? Obviously I am doing something wrong to be attracting Jeepers and Creepers. I guess I could change over to a dating site that costs money, but as I mentioned in a previous post, I am very cheap. No matter what I do, I can't seem to meet or keep a guy who is halfway normal, and whose crazy doesn't make me want to do physical harm to others. I don't expect a perfect guy. In fact, I expect a flawed one. Everyone is flawed; I just need to find flaws that work with mine.
I have had several Tarot readings over the years, and in terms of relationships they always tell me that the right one is coming soon. Apparently my soul-mate and I play games, and in each life we revel in finding each other again. We enjoy the chase - the hunt - but my soul is old, and it's tiring of this game. I'm not sure how much I believe in Tarot, but many things that came out in the readings have come to pass. I can only hope that the parts about relationships will come true as well; hopefully in this life my soul-mate and I will find each other.
Here I am open for suggestions. I can't wait and hope that the cards are telling the truth, or that they even know anything at all. So, are there any ideas on how I can meet a guy with similar interests, who won't annoy the ever loving Hell out of me, and who won't accuse me of having an STD because I won't text him? I don't ask for much really; I think about lowering my standards sometimes, but I can't lower them much further. All I want is a guy who is down to Earth, employed, has a sense of humor, knows when to be serious, speaks English, lives near Birmingham, doesn't have an STD, and is between the ages of 24-36. Oh, and being gay would be a plus. Anyway, if you know anyone who fits these criteria, could potentially fit these criteria, or have any ideas about how to find someone who fits these criteria - let me know.
english is overrated ROFLMAO !! :}
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