Zac Efron, Michael Phelps, and Bieber Fever Alarms

If my dreams are any indication of reality, the zombie Apocalypse is imminent, Aliens (of the Sigourney Weaver type) truly exist, Michael Phelps is my arch nemesis, and Zac Efron and I are besties. The last one is a new invention and it came about two nights ago. In my dream, I was working on a new film with Zac Efron as the main star. It was a sci-fi picture, something with loads of technology and aliens (not of the Sigourney Weaver type). I had been hired to work on this special costume prop for Zac that had to mold to his body. This is where the dream really kicked in. I was called onto set to help remove the mold from his body, and while I was on set they decided to cast me as the bad guy opposite him in the picture. I know I wasn't the original hire, but they liked me, and I already knew how to dismantle the body mold (which took place in a very climatic scene.) I had to press against Zac's body and rip off layers of this costume downward leaving him bare-chested with his dimpling pecs and abs gleaming in the midday sun.

After we finished filming that scene, Zac and I left set to rehearse. We went to a local rehearsal hall, where a nice girl gave me a copy of the script. The script she gave me, however, was Little Shop of Horrors. As day progressed into evening, I learned that I would be playing Audrey II in a revival of the play starring opposite Zac Efron as Seymour. For those unfamiliar with Little Shop, Audrey II is a giant man-eating plant from outer space. The actor that portrays Audrey II is hidden inside a giant puppet that general takes several puppeteers to control. I had to plead for the part however, in front of the entire company, and promise the director - Lavinia Hart (I worked with Lavinia in Detroit, when I designed the Michigan Premier of Sarah Ruhl's Eurydice) that I would make her even more proud of Little Shop than I made her with Eurydice.

Where does this new Zac Efron fixation come from? I blame my newly found TV addiction, and the previews for his new movie: Charlie St. Cloud. When he takes that stance to throw that baseball (the movie is not about baseball, but his character plays catch with his dead brother), he is very sexy. Normally I don't think of Zac as an adult, because of High School Musical, but truthfully he is 22. That is still young for me though, and besides the one moment of pressing against each other in the scene - the dream wasn't suggestive. So apparently in my subconscious, Zac and I are besties...

A similar thing happened during the 2008 Summer Olympics - except instead of Zac Efron, Michael Phelps dominated my dreams. I would be swimming - or doing anything - in a competition like the Olympics. Out of the blue Michael Phelps would come out of no-where and beat me. I would still win Gold, because of my stellar performance, but Michael Phelps would take Platinum. (The Olympic committee had to make a new medal scale, because he was so awesome.) It should be noted that Michael Phelps was the only one who could be issued Platinum. Gold was still the highest for any event not involving Michael Phelps.

I have never really been athletic. I did play soccer for a while, but my heart was never really in it. I guess it was not really the lack of athletic skill, but the lack of interest that kept me from really playing sports. I'm just not into pain, and you have to at least be marginally okay with pain to play most sports. The Olympics, however, really brought out my love of swimming. I found myself always wanting to swim, and truthfully I would have been a fairly decent competitive swimmer if I had ever wanted to be. I have the body of a swimmer (not Michael Phelps - his body is that of a beast), but I have powerful legs, a lean body, and can move through water very quickly. Learning to swim was a challenge because I was afraid of water, but once I learned, I was practically a fish. My father decided to inform me that if I had chosen differently, it was possible that I could have been there competing alongside Michael Phelps; I probably wouldn't have been as good as Michael, but I could have been Olympic worthy.

I'm not sure I would ever have been Olympic worthy; I think I would have been good. My father based his opinions on watching me swim in my brothers' mother-in-law's pool every summer, my body build, and the occasional trip to the beach or lake. Those are hardly the standards Olympic greatness is built upon, but never-the-less his speculations provided some interesting source material for dream-time.


In non-dream related news, my alarm system went off in Birmingham this morning. I am still in SC - over 5 hours away from my apartment - and I have no control, so when I received the phone call from ADT, I really began to worry. The police were called, but were informed by the property management (in a separate phone call not) to come. Maintenance had set off the alarm delivering a new kitchen drawer. The thought had crossed my mind that it was maintenance, but they know there is an alarm in my apartment. They have it in their work orders to call me and arrange a time to come in, so they don't set off the alarm, but apparently they don't read. I'm also not the only person in the complex with an alarm system, so you think they'd be accustomed to this by now. Apparently not...


The Westboro Baptist Chuch has come down with Bieber Fever! Apparently Justin Bieber is the latest person arousing the wrath of the Kansas based hate group. The group picketed his recent concert in Kansas City, because Bieber (this is a real quote):

"has a platform given to him by God to speak to this world; he has a duty to teach obedience by his actions and words. He refuses to do that because he knows his concert halls would be empty! So, he teaches you to sin and rebel against God's commandments."

Who knew that a 16 year old Canadian could be leading everyone to Hell? I mean really his music isn't that annoying.

Westboro would do anything to get attention. If the group is good at one thing, it is keeping its name in the media spotlight. Bieber has chosen thus far not to acknowledge the group, which is probably for the best. Anger enough 13 year old girls and Westboro's going to be shanked after gym class.

California Dreamin' with Zombies

I am now back in SC. After my appointment with the security system people, I did some laundry, bought some curtains for the bedroom, and got plenty of sleep. Apparently, if dreams are any indication of reality - the zombies will be attacking soon.

Cara and I were in Alabama when it happened. I was attending a pool party at the home of some random church-goer, when an obese man infected with the virus - leapt into the water and began attacking people. Now Alabama is not very safe from zombie attack. It's hot and humid, so naturally the virus spread like wildfire - jumping from church-goer to church-goer as people scattered looking for weapons and supplies. A few of my friends and I - along with a man immune to the virus - managed to commandeer a vehicle and chart our way out of Alabama. We set our sights on Los Angeles - since the government set up safe-zones in major cities - and I wanted to go to LA.

The virus was not species specific, and quickly made the transition to all species by rapidly adapting. Pretty soon, even animals were not safe - and I had to kill many pets that had become infected. Even Cara's cat Trixie and my Joey had become zombies. They looked entirely different in the dream, however...

Once in LA - which was mostly under water due to a massive flood - we learned that the government had developed a vaccine! It was too late for our immune friend, however, who in fact was not immune, but had a delayed response to the virus. He had to be put down. When it was discovered that many of the "immune" actually had delayed responses, Los Angeles was no longer a safe-zone. The fish began to eat the bodies, and then they too became infected. I tried to kill a group of fish in an aquarium after they became infected, but as the glass of the aquarium broke - a school of rabid neons flew through the air toward my face. I had to escape with my apartment broker - who was helping me look for apartments near Hollywood - on her airboat (you know - the kind you see in the bayou or in the Everglades).

And that's where the dream ends - me living in California... with the zombies.

The dream hit two fundamental things - my new found desire to live in California, and my fear of the Krippen virus (the name I Am Legend gives to the zombie producing virus). What could be better? I don't know, maybe tonight I could dream about biking away from the Alien Queen? Or I could show up at my new job and discover it's now run by heinous former co-workers? Thanks subconscious - you keep my dream-life interesting.


In other news:

Joey bit the sh*t out of me today. He was angry when i first came home, but now he refuses to leave me alone. I had to lock him in his cage just to work on the blog. Poor little guy missed me; I missed him too.

A friend of mine and I have decided to take a trip to Charleston for my birthday! That should be a lot of fun, and a great way to continue the spirit of my road-trip. I have decided to do mini-roadtrips the rest of the summer to extend my experience further. I'm considering the weekend in Charleston one of these mini-roadtrips.

I am still loading the video diaries from the road trip, but I'm not sure they will ever load, so I may need to post St. Louis sans the video diaries. I am not too happy about that, but if they won't fricking load to youtube, then I don't know where they'll load. If any of you have ideas about loading the videos, let me know... I'm willing to try anything at this point. One of the videos has been loading since 4:30 this afternoon and has yet to post (it's only 48% done too).

My insurance company has finally paid my physician! It took a lot of squeaking, but I guess that's what had to be done. I hate shaking my rattle more than once, but damn. The whole situation has made me think of the insurance industry as one gigantic scam. I'm not sure if we wouldn't all be better without it, but I guess it is a necessary evil.

In a follow-up to the earlier post about Shirley Phelps-Roper at LAX, I found myself wondering which is worse - people like Westboro church-goers or the Marin foundation? I discovered the Marin foundation today after someone posted a comment about them on a friend's Facebook. The post was praising Marin while condemning Westboro, but after some research, I'm not sure how I feel. At least the Westboro crowd is very upfront about what they believe. The Marin people believe in apologizing and building bridges with Love, but with the ultimate goal of gay to straight conversion. They neglect to mention that in their initial dialogues, and like to lure gay people into their organization and even go so far as to convince gay groups into giving them money to promote their ministries. I think the only thing that makes Westboro worse is their picketing of soldiers' funerals. Soldiers have nothing to do with gay rights in this country, they are just doing their jobs. As far as misusing the name of Love, however, I think that's right up there with the politics of Hate.

LAX to DTW to Franklin, TN

As everyone knows, the vampire's only natural enemy is the shark. Vampires are most vulnerable right at sunset, when the light is too dim to harm them, and when the sharks patrolling the waters are almost impossible to see.

The secret to slaying zombies is knowing the ancient Asian martial arts, and as everyone knows the greatest zombie slayer of all time, Dolly Parton, still walks among us. She - above all - is most skilled with a blade. What most don't know is that Dollywood is really zombie hunter's secret lair, and it is the most Zombie secure place in the world. When the virus hits, the lucky ones will be at Dollywood. For those not so lucky, Dolly will brave the night alone to bring them home.

This has nothing to do with the road trip, except that a good friend of mine and I discussed these particular scenarios at dinner after I arrived back in Detroit from LA. It was hard to leave California; I really wanted to stay. The trip with Cara was incredibly fun, and life affirming. I feel that I can go back to Alabama and South Carolina with a renewed vigor that I can put into my art. The trip really made me want to paint and sculpt again - something I rarely had time for in Mississippi. I have made it a goal to paint more for myself once I get home.

I have also made it a goal to get a bike and ride more often. Biking those 12 miles down the beach made me feel so alive, so present, so at peace. In Alabama, my apartment is close to both the library and the art museum. My goal is to bike to both of these places, and to see if I can find a safe bicycle route to work. I worry that while work is within biking distance, the roads may be too dangerous to bike, so I'll be searching for a safe route. A place I am really looking forward to biking to is a trendy district nearby. I can't wait to bike to a coffee house and get my iced hazelnut lattes.

I was surprised when leaving LAX that I wasn't stopped for a random security screening. I seem to be stopped quite a bit for those - maybe I have one of those faces - not sure... I have gotten really good at determining when I am going to be stopped for a screening. Most people who are stopped have a code printed at the bottom of their boarding passes. If I see the code, I know I'm getting stopped. There wasn't a code this time, and no one stopped me.

Security check points annoy me, however, because the TSA officials always expect you to know what to do, but the procedures constantly change and are never posted. Then when you mess up - like put your laptop and your I-pad in the same bucket - they act like you have committed some crime. I found myself apologizing for this, but why the Hell should I apologize? It's not like I did something wrong. I just didn't know protocol. I put my electronics in the same bucket; I must be a heathen.

My flights were fine, but something did bother me. I paid for the tickets over a month ago, but Southwest has open seating, so I wasn't assigned a seat. I did, however, have to pick a seat when I booked the flight. Then, I was third to last, and fifth to last to pick a seat. I booked the flight over a month ago! Shouldn't I have been able to pick a seat before some Joe Schmo who ordered a ticket the night before? I know some people pay more for the privilege of picking first, but I know that I am not the only person (or one of a few passengers) who did not pay that extra price.

While at LAX I saw another celebrity, Shirley Phelps-Roper. She is the spokeswoman for the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas. They are the people who protest the funerals of soldiers with signs that say "America is Doomed" and "God Hates Fags." I was going to post the church website, but I don't want to link my blog to that. It would give them too much free publicity. You are welcome to google it yourself, but be warned - it contains some copious amounts of crazy, and it will make you angry. Her and an entourage with a few of her children were searching for a restroom, and found one near my terminal. I wanted to confront her, but the terminal in LAX was not the appropriate place. Their picket signs were not around, but I'm sure they were there to protest something - like the entirety of Hollywood.

I just don't know how some people can walk around with so much fear and hatred inside of them. I don't think gays, Americans, or soldiers are the ones going to Hell; I think Shirley and the ones with the picket signs are the ones already there. When you're life is devoted to hate, how can you ever experience joy? I think joy must be far from Shirley. I would feel sorry for her, but she has brought this upon herself. Or to borrow a page out of the Westboro book, maybe it's one of God's divine judgments? I can't say that though, because God has given us freewill, and she chooses to hold on to hate.

After I got to Detroit, I discovered that one of my tires was flat. It has a small leak, and is something I'm going to have to get fixed. My friend (the same one I discussed sharks and vampires with) had a small electric air pump in her car, and we got the tire inflated again. I picked up some fix-a-flat, so I can patch it once the air leaks about halfway out. It is sustaining pressure, however, so that's a good thing.

After the dinner with two of my friends at Texas Roadhouse, I found a hotel for the night. They promised free Internet, but again it didn't work. What is with hotels not having Internet access? This isn't 1996; this is 2010 - Internet is a necessity. Nothing makes me angrier than when electronic devices are not working properly. It really irritates me - ask Cara. If the Internet connection was poor during the trip, my whole demeanor changed.

Tonight I am in Franklin, TN. It is about as large as you'd imagine. I was going to try to make it all the way to Alabama tonight; I have an appointment with the security people tomorrow afternoon, but I was too tired. I'll still make it in time for the appointment if I leave early in the morning. This trip has been so much fun, but it has been exhausting. I don't think I will truly get any real rest until I'm back in SC for the remainder of the summer.

Hopefully the magnitude of this trip will fully hit me after some aesthetic distance. I know this trip has changed me, but I can't fully appreciate how much just yet. I hope that it will all come to me at once; and with some clarity, I'll discover how and how much I have changed. I do know, however, that it has been a change for the better. I want this trip to continue, for me to continue evolving, so I'm going to attempt to carry the spirit of this trip into the rest of my summer. I may not have Internet access over the next day or so, but I will be back in touch soon.